Thursday, September 30, 2010

Food Stamps, Section 8 Housing, SSI

Since I've given up on my dream of having a normal life, I'm now seeking ways to make the most of my situation. It's hard because I always envisioned myself having normal life... even a comfortable one. I thought I'd have a wife, kids, a home, and clothes I wasn't embarrassed to wear. All my brothers do very well for themselves, and I always figured I'd be somewhere on their level. However, these past few years have made me realize that I'm not really in the same league as they are. They can handle much more than I can and not even consider killing themselves. I, on the other hand, can't even pull off nine units at junior college without considering what material I'll use for a noose and where to hang it. Sigh.

I want to spend as little amount of time grieving about my shattered expectations as possible. It's now time to move on, take advantage of being mentally ill, and make an effort to love the life I have. Definitely the best thing about being labeled insane is that it opens up a portal to many social services. I've been getting SSI for five years now and I think it's time to start getting more. I've had several friends tell me that I qualify for food stamps. I think around $150/month. This would great! I'm sure I could make some awesome meals. You can get a lot of food for 150 bucks at Food4Less. Another social service that requires my investigation is section 8 housing. I understand you can get an apartment for just a few hundred dollars a month which would be absolute dopeness. My parents pay for a lot of my rent now, and I want to take as little from them as possible. I feel better about taking from Uncle Sam.

Yeah, I feel better about deciding to embrace my situation as opposed to trying to change it by working or going to school. Why would I choose to give the system a handjob when I could have it give me a piggy-back ride? Well, I'll tell you why. Cuz it's not cool to live off disability, apply for section 8, and get food stamps. Few aspire to live this kind of life and there's definitely some shame associated with taking handouts. Plus, when you don't work, you're signing up for hours of alone time which can take some getting use to. Another horrible thing about not working is that you feel like you're not part of the world. It just keeps spinning without you. It's not uncommon for me to go days without seeing anyone I know in person. The shame, loneliness, and general feeling of not fitting are the reasons why people aren't aspiring to live off the dole. Unfortunately, for me, it's the better option. Fuck it, if I can deal with being labeled insane then I can deal with some people thinking I'm a drain on society.

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