Sunday, September 19, 2010

Drugs, Drugs, Drugs

My appreciation for drugs started when I was twelve. I'd creep into the pantry, poor a generous portion of Black Velvet into a glass, and chug it, no chaser. Had I known what a chaser was, I would have opted for it, but I was an inexperienced drinker. I recall getting faded and loving it. I wouldn't do it often because I was afraid of getting caught. However, once every couple months, I'd sneak a drink to feel that security, confidence, and ease that alcohol is so popular for.

By the time I was 15, I was smokin' herbs. I was already an established rebel in my mind (it takes courage to sneak drinks at 12 years), and smoking pot seemed like the logical next intoxicant to experiment with. Just like boose, I had an instant love for the state that marijuana put me in. I felt like I was in a dream. There's no remembering what you just thought about and everything is always new. I started smoking every couple weeks or so, and by the time I was 17, I was smoking every day. This continued until a week ago, and I have no regrets :)

I didn't try any other drugs during high school except for prescription pain killers. When I got to college, however, I decided it was time to step things up! The first "hard" drug I did was cocaine. I liked it, but it wasn't as cool as weed. It's fun, but expensive as hell, and really takes it outta you the next day. Plus, it makes idiots talk way too much. I still don't understand how people get addicted to it because the side effects seem so bad.

I also tried mushrooms during my first year of college. They totally blew my mind! I had no idea I had the potential to feel like that, and no knowledge about the ego dissolving effects of psychedelics. I thought mushrooms would be like the other drugs I had taken. Ya know, just fun, and just a little different from your normal mind. I was totally wrong. Mushrooms provided me with a view of myself that I had never had, or even conceived of. I looked at myself not as Akasha, but as an aspect of nature. I couldn't realize it before, but on mushrooms, I understood how my mind had created an identity that I believed I was, when in fact, I have little idea of what I am. Sure, you can say I'm a dude. You can even go a little deeper, and say (like a lame ass hippie), "you're pure awareness." Or, "you're the capacity to know." While I find the lame ass hippie views more accurate, they still don't account for all of your experience. Existing is the MOST mysterious thing, but it's easy to forget that. Fortunately, because of mushrooms, it's also easy to remember :)

Later on, I did ecstasy. Ecstasy is awesome. It allowed me to understand sympathetic joy much more than any meditation I've done. BTW, one of my biggest beefs with buddhism is that they don't encourage experimenting with drugs. This is why I don't identify as a buddhist (that, and because a major point of buddhism is to not identify with concepts). I'm a down-ass motherfucker, and have a lot of trouble supporting any doctrine that discourages experimenting with drugs. Anyway, I digress. Ecstasy is cool. It highlights your compassion and joy, and let's you realize how much you love people. A totally straight guy may find himself wanting to give his guy friend a shoulder rub, just to be nice. If that doesn't sound cool to you, you're a douche, and you should go try some e and stop hatin'.

I also had to try acid. I did this for the first time just a couple years ago. I had never had to opportunity to do it before. It's pretty legit laying down and watching your mind form your reality. I mean, you can do it without acid, but a little lsd really spices things up! I also loved the depersonalized hallucinations. I had always thought that your hallucinations would be a reflection of the individual. Ya know, like you'd see what you think about. LOL, NO WAY! I couldn't account for the demons and angels. I mean, I thought I didn't believe in them. I also couldn't account for all of the sacred geometry you see on acid. Drugs definitely have a mind of their own, and they'll let you know about it.

I've tried nearly every drug I could get my hand on. I still haven't done ayahuasca, but I'm sure I will. I hate how our culture has little regard for the wisdom that drugs impart. I mean, even just getting drunk has a lot of benefit. Boose can inform you that your inhibitions are a block to happiness and fun. So, if you're smart, you'll cultivate a less inhibited state, be more open, more spontaneous, and pretty much, just cooler. But if you don't apply introspection to your drinking, and you still love it, you'll probably just end up drinking too much.

By the way, drugs are worthless without introspection. There's little benefit to drugs without being deeply reflective and honest about your experience. I've talked to lots of people who have eaten the same magical mushrooms as I, and they weren't so magical. If you experience a different state, and only describe it as "getting fucked up," then you're not going to learn what the experience has truly given you. But, if you're a good little boy, and use your words, then these same substances can be springboards for deep and lasting insight. And that's what IT is all about.

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