I still have moments of wanting to kill myself, and I'm still probably far from normal, but I'm much better than I've been.
I've also been seeing a drug counselor because I have some interest in sobriety. It's interesting, though I'm not really convinced about the views about addiction. I don't believe addiction is an illness. There's too much free will involved. I do believe that I have developed an unhealthy habit, and quitting is way harder than I imagined it would be. It may take some effort, and I may never get there, but I'm willing to give it 100% .....or at least 15%.
I'm obsessed with a few ideas I can't seem to shake. First off is the messiah campaign. I've decided I'm going to campaign to be the messiah because it's the only career path that really interests me. I have little regard for normalcy, I like to go big, and I want to do something original. Plus, believing I was the messiah was my favorite delusion. I can also see how this will set up fun things to do and interesting people to meet. I plan to have a website built explaining my foundation which is based on compassion and the freedom to form governments. I'm also planning on creating brochures and hand-delivering them door to door.
Some dude opens his front door
Me: Good day, sir. My name is Akasha Godsent and I'm campaigning to be the messiah. Here's a brochure about my campaign. Thanks.
He's got to ask some questions at that point.
I plan on having a lot of fun doing this.
I've also been thinking about eating better and working out. I've gained 35 lbs since I started taking my antipsychotic medication 13 months ago. It's time to workout a little and plan healthy meals. It's simple, but I have a hard time doing anything. If I ever do get into shape, it will be a big accomplishment for me.
I think I may get more involved in blogging and write about the messiah campaign and little personal development things. I love the idea of being an open book and putting everything about myself up for the world to see.
That's all I got for now, Nick. Laterz, bra.