Thursday, April 22, 2010

This is too many days off work now

Still off work due to the rain. It'll be nice to go back to work without being sore!

An old flame called me yesterday. It stirred up a lot of feelings, don't really feel like going into it on here. Long story short, I'm debating about whether I should still talk to this girl. I haven't seen her in a year, but she still calls, and I still like her a lot. I think it's about time to count my losses and forget about her tho...

On a better note, I think I'm at my all time most stable. I've been able to handle my job, and my suicidal ideation hasn't been dominating my brain. Wanting to kill yourself is very draining. I hate it! My mood overall has been much more pleasant than I'm accustomed to. I think I'm slowly getting nicer! Having Chico (my chihuahua) has really helped with my mood. Had I known what a difference a dog would make, I would have gotten one sooner. He's such a little blessing!

I've had so much time off that I feel like I'm back to my old schedule. Wake up, smoke some premium reefer, then go online until ppl get off work, then smoke bowls with them. Yes, it's not that bad of a lifestyle. Though, most would probably find it unfulfilling and tiring, it's been my routine for years.

I was thinking about how my life has been the past few years, and how it would have been different without the mental illness. My bipolar episodes have seriously set me back. But you know what success guru Jack Canfield says... E+R=O, or event plus response equals outcome. I definitely haven't responded well about being crazy. I'm just pissed, mostly. Oh well, can't go back.

this blog is done.

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