Wednesday, August 18, 2010

hating class, potential career, and the admittance of wanting only to be a rapper

Boy, am I glad to be out of my statistics class. After years of quiet solitude (not all the time, but a lot) I've grown accustomed to doing what I want. Spending an hour and a half sitting down and listening to someone talk about something I'm not interested in feels like a Herculean task. I wonder if I made the best decision by going back to school. I mean, I think I did, but I hate forcing myself to pay attention in class. It's so tiring. Plus, I feel like if what I'm learning isn't interesting then I should just learn something else. Life's short. I don't wanna spend my limited time focusing on shit I don't care about.

But I also don't wanna have to do farm work (or soemthing like it) all my life. and my parents are glad. But seriously, isn't there a more efficient way of learning? I hate the teacher-student relationship, and I really hate it when I have to listen to someone who doesn't have a pleasant and engaging voice. That's how my stats teacher is. I mean, he's well intentioned, but damn.... this fool is boring. The only time he's really sounded interesting is when he geeks out and talks about something unrelated to statistics. The nerd's got passion, but he's not channeling it for the majority of his lecture. Oh well, I shouldn't bitch so much. I get to go to school and chill while most people have to work all day.

Speaking of work, I've continued to focus on what type of work I'd like to pursue. I have to pick a major at cuesta, and I think I'm leaning towards creative writing. I think I'd love writing tv shows, although I've never done anything like this. I never write stories of any kind, really. Still, I have this belief that I can do whatever I want and freelance copy writing would be a nice way to pay the bills if I couldn't make tv shows. I really want to do something creative.

Really though, I just wanna be a rapper. I just don't think anyone wants to listen to a middle class white guy rap about his disdain for mainstream culture. Lol, maybe I'm selling myself short though, I mean, it's a big market...


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  2. As you may or may not know most schools today are completely pointless to go to...

    Well not completely, but..mostly.

    Purposely directed towards teaching certain learning skills to aim students towards specific agenda-based careers which are involved in continuation of the powering of the current society and its culture which you may know is shallow and out of touch with spirituality.

    This is some of the insight I've gained from my own personal research, my own self-ordained schooling which is completely free and doesn't involve forced readings or forced listenings of any sort! I was actually daydreaming while nearly drooling the other day...what if textbooks were so fascinating for the student the student wouldn't wanna put it down??! What if learning was, how absurd, fun!

    I can't wait for the day.

    Well I get to do my own schooling and the books are no less than delicious, abundantly providing and unifying in a utterly holily erotic way.

    I need to find a definition for erotic that surpasses the shallow notion of skin-deep sexuality. Erotic...mmm...merging with the diving in knowingness that is true pure bliss.


    So yeah, I am sort of dissing you for going to school. Ha ha. But I was there a few years and there are things to be learned and explored beyond the lame lectures and the bogus books. New peoples, for example.

  3. Btw, its not easy to find people worthy of deep conversation. Terrence Mckenna has been flooding my heart and mind with a lot of depth lately that no one has provided me much of, maybe never. He's a good friend. ALso David Wilcock who I just discovered yesterday is far out and awesome in his own ways, talking about stuff surpassing culture based customs (sports, news, world events)

    I actually was feeling starving and desperately so in spirit and now I feel freaked out about the abundant treasury of what i perceive as genuine knowledge and divine info flooding to me. It sometimes feels to good to be true, but each time I read a little more genuine info its like reaching a climax of nirvana that will lead me to my path in life as well as connect me to the divine cosmos......mmmmmmmmm.

    p.s. Meditate about people you might like to get into convos with, they just may very well come your way after such focused visionary intention